What Are You Willing to Lay on the Altar of The Whole?

Our society is constantly talking about the importance of community, family and teams. Our neighborhoods, churches, clubs, our global community. Our family and friends. Our work teams, organizational teams, even athletic teams.

“The sum is greater than the whole.” “Two heads are better than one.” Constantly we profess to value, above all else, our connectedness to our loved ones, to those we respect and to the community at large.

However, as a society we nearly worship the individual.

Individualism is so import to us that we strive with focused determination to “be true to ourselves.”

Consumer product companies sell all kinds of products that allow us to distinguish ourselves from others…to express our individual personalities. Psychologists have found that the sound of our own name is the most pleasing sound there is to our ears.

There is little wonder many of us feel conflicted much of the time. Many of us profess that others are more important than ourselves and we work tirelessly to prove this to ourselves and to the world at large.

BUT, we want things our way. Giving up a piece of ourselves borders on a mortal sin within American society. We are petrified of losing ourselves. We are horrified by the thought of selling out.

The conflict comes from the fact that we know that we must give up a piece of ourselves to have successful relationships. We must, to some extent, give way to the whole to make relationships, organizations and societies work. Any of us who are married or have children might be especially aware of this giving of ourselves as without it, it is impossible to have a successful marriage or to raise well adjusted children.

Think about a recent conflict you experienced at work, within your church or within your family. The conflict most certainly resulted from either a misunderstanding and/or the clash of different sets of opinions, needs or positions.

Relationships, organizations and societies typically remain in tact as long as there is enough commonality. As long as the parties involved are willing to lay enough of themselves “on the altar of the whole” --relationships, organizations and societies stay together. When the differences become more important or more numerous than the value of the commonalities….relationships, organizations and societies break apart.

Each of us has to constantly make these judgments. We generally will overlook small disagreements within our marriages, with our co-workers and with our society at large. We are often even willing to overlook very large differences of opinion. However, at various points in our lives we each have to make “Will I Stay or Will I Go?” decisions.

We ask ourselves, “In this specific case, am I willing to lay enough of myself on the altar of the whole to continue my participation in this relationship, this organization or even this society?”